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Our Horoscopes Archive - October 2009

The Board Says...
Is your sign missing for this week? Get over it. How important do you think you are, anyway?

Always relevant cautionary pointers from your past!

What better way to dwell on past mistakes than to return to and linger over the horoscopes that told you what you should have done, if only you'd had the sense to listen? Take a stroll down memory lane here - revisit those horrible oversights, those disastrously optimistic choices you made way back when, that turned your life into what it is now.

We all know horoscopes are fake, right? Science, schmience! For entertainment only! But these, at least, had some good, solid, helpful hints for handling what was coming your way! And they were (still are) FREE! If only you'd taken a moment to look at them, or taken them seriously....

Week of 10/26/2009

Aries 1 of 4
There is one and only one Board member you should listen to this week: the Rationalizer. Figure out who (besides you) is to blame, and stick to it.
Leo 2 of 4

Sagittarius 2 of 4
Haven't been getting your work done, Sag? There's a reason for that - in fact, a bunch! Let your Rationalizer guide you.
Taurus 3 of 4
A quick-fix Reward is available for you, if you have the guts to forget what you did last week and rationalize why you should get it.
Virgo 2 of 4
Your Critic has a LOT to say this week - including a helpful hint about how much better off you'd be now if you'd listened last week.
Capricorn2 of 4
Fun time's over.
Gemini 2 of 4
Same old same old.
Libra 3 of 4
Yow! After what you just did, only your Escalator can get you out with your life.
Aquarius 2 of 4

Cancer 2 of 4
Why bother?
Scorpio 3 of 4
From all of us: what the heck were you thinking?!?!?!?!

Pisces 1 of 4
Slow things down! Why make a decision now? Let your Processor guide you to an indefinite extension of the process.

Weeks of 10/12/2009 and 10/19/2009

We missed a couple of weeks. So sue us. It's not like you listen so well to us anyway - if you did, your life would be much better. Just read the 10/5 horoscopes and heed that advice.

Week of 10/5/2009

Aries 4 of 4 members needed!
Don't read the newspaper, and don't answer the phone. Go to work if you must; and just remember that we told you so.
Leo 2 of 4
Ok, Leo. Roar away, and let your Escalator guide you to a triumph over someone in your life.
Sagittarius 2 of 4

Taurus 3 of 4
Like a typical Taurus, you choose this week to be bull-headed. Let's just hope your head is hard enough.
Virgo 2 of 4
Last week your Critic had the goods for you - this week, pay special heed to your Expresser and Realist.
Capricorn 1 of 4
After the week you just had, you'll be relieved to know that this week will be easier. But don't relax too much.
Gemini 1 of 4
Take the advice of The Rewarder this week: look to the immediate rewards in a situation, screw the long-term consequences. You won't thank us later - but you will now.
Libra 1 of 4
No major disasters up for you this week - but when your Planner speaks, listen.
Aquarius 2 of 4
Same old same old.
Cancer 3 of 4
Once again, rely on your Forgetter and Rationalizer this week.
Scorpio 3 of 4
Oh, Scorpio. You will be over-optimistic. Keep yourself in check, please.
Pisces 2 of 4
You're like a fish out of water this week. Check in with your Expresser to get things flowing.

Past Months' Archives

Understanding your Board of Mis-Directors horoscope

1 of 4 You can squeak by with advice from only one or two of us. But don't get cocky.
2 of 4 In addition to your usual Board members, you'll need supplemental advice from some others.
3 of 4 Hm - likely to be an interesting week for you! Lots of us will chime in to help.
All Board members on deck! Batten down the hatches! Disconnect the phone! Whatever you do, stay OFF email, Facebook, and all chat rooms! Emergency! Red alert!!! You'll need all the help we can give!