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Our Horoscopes Archive - September 2009

The Board Says...
Is your sign missing for this week? Get over it. How important do you think you are, anyway?

Always relevant cautionary pointers from your past!

What better way to dwell on past mistakes than to return to and linger over the horoscopes that told you what you should have done, if only you'd had the sense to listen? Take a stroll down memory lane here - revisit those horrible oversights, those disastrously optimistic choices you made way back when, that turned your life into what it is now.

We all know horoscopes are fake, right? Science, schmience! For entertainment only! But these, at least, had some good, solid, helpful hints for handling what was coming your way! And they were (still are) FREE! If only you'd taken a moment to look at them, or taken them seriously....

Week of 9/28/2009

Aries 2 of 4 members needed!
You feel like singing this week. Do NOT indulge this urge.
Leo 2 of 4
Sagittarius 2 of 4
Ah, light-hearted Sag! If only you can hold it through this week!
Taurus 1 of 4
All right, so you're in for an easy week. Just don't get used to it.
Virgo 1 of 4
It seems like things are going really well - but when your Critic speaks, listen!!!!
Capricorn 4 of 4
We'd better not tell you. You'll find out soon enough.
Gemini 3 of 4 members needed
Yes, you are gaining weight, despite all your dieting and exercise, and there's nothing you can do about it. Get used to being pudgy. Begin your collection of self-deprecating fat jokes.
Libra All Board members on deck!
You will meet someone significant - significantly bad. Best not to go out at all this week. You might want to invest in our special report, The Horrors of Intimacy, as a preventive measure.
Aquarius 2 of 4
Cancer 3 of 4
Let your Forgetter and Rationalizer help you out this week. You'll need it.
Scorpio 1 of 4
Pisces 2 of 4

Past Months' Archives

Understanding your Board of Mis-Directors horoscope

1 of 4 You can squeak by with advice from only one or two of us. But don't get cocky.
2 of 4 In addition to your usual Board members, you'll need supplemental advice from some others.
3 of 4 Hm - likely to be an interesting week for you! Lots of us will chime in to help.
All Board members on deck! Batten down the hatches! Disconnect the phone! Whatever you do, stay OFF email, Facebook, and all chat rooms! Emergency! Red alert!!! You'll need all the help we can give!